Brownie Series: A Most Peculiar Thing
by Arhani 'Hanny' Daforcena
Summary: When a kitten finds her way into the Task Force 141 Sub base, the world's best Spec-Ops soldiers find out that Shepherd is allergic to her. What would they do to her? And who the hell called her Brownie?
1. Prologue, or, AHHH, KITTEN!

A most peculiar thing happened in the submarine headquarters of the Task Force 141. A kitten appeared right in the briefing room, just as Lieutenant-General Shepherd had been debriefing his men after yet another successful mission. "God damn it, why is there a kitten in a sub?" the American general cursed as he covered his nose with a handkerchief and started to sneeze.

"It must have sneaked in when the sub was docked," Ghost offered, a highly viable explanation. The kitten climbed up onto the desk, strewn with papers and looked at Shepherd with its little head tilted to the side. Honestly, that action itself did more than enough to cause the whole room to chorus in multiple "awww" sounds.

Shepherd, however, was unfazed of his subordinates liking towards the little critter. "I don't care how it got in, gentlemen," he cursed as Roach intuitively took it in his arms, cradling the fur-ball as it wiggled around. "But as soon as we get on land, you're gonna make sure that it is fifty feet away from the sub, am I understood?"

The members of the 141 jumped to their feet and saluted Shepherd as he left the room, while the kitten just looked around and meowed. "What are we gonna do with it, Captain?" asked the FNG to Soap (whose comrades did not know about his call sign-slash-nickname), who was now scratching between the kitten's ears. It seemed to like it a lot, and was purring happily.

"Well, we'd better keep it away from Shepherd for one thing," Soap answered, "I'd say we should take turns to take care of it. Roach, why don't you start?"


	2. Roach, or, Ghost's nightmare

The next morning, Roach brought the little kitten into the dining hall in the sub, and set her (they had since discovered that she was a "her") on the table as he ate his breakfast. Of course, by then her presence has spread throughout the submarine, and everyone stopped by to take a look at the bane to General Shepherd's existence.

"So, what are we supposed to call her?" Roach asked Ghost, who was eating next to him. As if she could understand him, she meowed and looked at the other man, like she was demanding an answer from him. "She's gotta have a name, right?"

Ghost shrugged. "It's up to you," he said, "You're the one with who saved her from Shepherd, mate." Ah, finally, something edible for breakfast. For days and days, they had to put up with minimalistic stuff like baked beans for most of their meals, and now, brownies were on the menu, and everyone knew, apart from his shades and his skull-imaged balaclava, Ghost loved his brownies.

Roach, on the other hand, did not have a sweet tooth, and continued to ponder on what to call the kitten. "What about just 'Kitty'?" He could have sworn that she shook her head and hissed at him. However, with her short attention span, she was soon focused on something that seemed highly tasty to her, and it was not a piece of fish.

Just as Lieutenant Simon Riley turned away to talk to another 141 member, she pounced onto his plate and began chewing said object heartily. "Hey, that was my brownie!" Ghost yelled in dismay, on the verge of tears. "It's the last one on the sub, you good for nothing cretin!"

Well, it could be the last one on the planet, and the kitten would not give half a damn. Hence, Roach had the fine idea to call her "Brownie", since she was brown all over anyways.


	3. Soap, or, the Other Woman

It was common knowledge that Captain John "Soap" Mactavish was a devout dog-hater. Whenever those things came even ten feet close to him, he would have shot them with whatever weapon he had in hand. Hence, it was also evident that he was more of a cat person. So, for Brownie's second day on the sub, she was entrusted to the Captain, who had a rather important _guest_ that day as well.

Who was she? She was Ryuka Algren, a Japanese-American field agent that could be said as his female counterpart, the only woman on the Task Force 141, although she was only a Lieutenant. "John, do you know that sooner or later, we'll be discovered?" she asked him as he pinned her onto the door of his quarters, raining kisses down her graceful neck.

"Well, what are the chances of that?" he asked in return. The two of them often appeared to be at total war with one another, and it was true that she had not been one of the most obedient of soldiers, while he demanded total compliance. The resulting damage would be they would constantly engage in shouting matches in the open, and hot, steamy rendezvous in secret, usually in the dead of the night.

But, that day was quite different, because most of the men were fishing, on the top of the sub, as they were out of enemy territory, and were bored out of their minds, so no one would see them together, as of yet… Except for one soul, that is.

Just as Soap managed to slip off her top, exposing her purple-laced lingerie, she heard a meow, and chuckled. "Captain Mactavish, it seems that you have another woman on your bed," she told him, gesturing to Brownie, who was treating Soap's bunk as if it was her throne. Mischievously, she put on her top back again and told him, "It is up to you to choose for the day, Mactavish, her, or me."

"Well, can't we have a compromise?" Soap asked, snaking his hand up the small of her back, drawing her closer to him. "I'm sure Brownie is willing to share me…"

The human woman looked at the Kitten and walked towards her. "Really, Brownie, are you that generous?" she asked the kitten, petting it on the head as it meowed happily. "Thank you, my dear."

* * *

Two hours later, Meat knocked on the door of the captain's quarters and received no reply. Instead, he opened the door and found Soap sound asleep with Brownie curled up on him. Nothing out of the ordinary there. However, why was there a third arm across the Captain's chest? In half-panic, the man quickly traced the arm to that of a half-naked a woman, whose hair was so suspiciously red that he quickly closed the door, unwittingly awakening all of the room's occupants.

That night, he received three separate death-threats. One from the Captain and the other two from the women found in his company.

* * *

HAN: The OC in this chapter is my OC in my other COD fic, the Red Dragon. Please take a look at it if you liked her in this one. ^.^


	4. Ghost, or, the Uneasy Truce

Ghost was a man that did not hold grudges, but anyone who finished the last brownie on the sub was worthy to receive his eternal vehemence, even though if said being was only twelve inches in length, excluding the tail, adorned with big, grey, saucer-like eyes and dark brown fur. Oh yes, this was the third day of Brownie's stay in the Task Force 141's submarine, and it was Ghost's turn to take care of her.

"You know, I should very like to shoot you right now," Ghost told the kitten, who glared at him in return. He knew that she did not like him either, as if she was actually challenging him to shoot her, if he dared. Well, apart from Soap and the other female on the sub, no one ever dared to challenge him, being the Captain's right hand man.

_Bring it on, buster!_ Brownie seemed to say as she hissed and walked towards the door of Ghost's quarters, wanting to get out. The Lieutenant, for one thing, knew that Shepherd was heading towards that direction at the moment. Even if he despised her, he knew that it would not be in good sense to shove her into their leader's face.

"Come here," Ghost told her, holding out his hand. There was a small, shiny bell on a little piece of ribbon long enough to be tied comfortably around her neck. "Don't get me wrong," he said while tying the bell onto her. "Giving you this was Ryuka's idea." It took a woman to know another woman, and all females loved jewelry.

Brownie seemed stunned at the gift and stood there for a long, long while, trying to make out what Ghost was actually trying to do, but in the end, she relented, and jumped towards the mirror standing next to the odds and ends on the solitary table in the room, the bell tinkling as she moved.

"You like it, huh?" he asked, petting her back vertically. "So, does that mean that it's a truce between us?"

The kitten looked at him and meowed. She had meant to say: _Hmph, only if you promise that you won't shoot me, whatever it means, you stupid human_, but she was a cat, and humans can't understand cats at all. However, cats were more intelligent, and could understand humans, and she knew that this particular one, could not be underestimated. Why else would he be named "Ghost"?


	5. Capt Price, or, The One Who Withstands

Captain John Price was resting in an empty room, after just having been rescued by Soap and his team from the Russian Gulag, and contacted General Shepherd. They decided to stop a Russian missile from being deployed not far from where they currently were, and there would be plenty of time to catch some good shut-eye for now, or so he thought.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, he was interrupted by a strange tinkling sound that only seemed to get louder and louder. In fact, he opened the door to check if anyone was there, but found no one. That was really peculiar, indeed. Never in his years of experience has he ever encountered such a strange situation indeed. He would have to put the matter up with Soap when he woke up, or so he thought.

"Meow?"

To say that Price was absolutely shocked to find a kitten on his bed was an understatement. In fact, he was stunned. There it was, a wholly brown kitten, wearing a bell on its neck! So, that's where the tinkling sound had come from… Thus, he walked towards his bed and put the kitten on the floor, where it belonged. However, no matter how hard he tried, the kitten would just climb back onto the bed.b

Price was oblivious. He had never seen anything so stubborn in his entire life! The thing even had the nerve to scratch and hiss at him when he did not give in to her whims. What was she, the mascot of the Task Force 141? It was utterly ridiculous! "Now look here, little missy," Price said to the kitten, setting her down on the floor, gently pressing her downwards so she would stay down. "I sleep on the bed, and you sleep on the floor. I don't know how they've been spoiling you, but if you're gonna stay in my room, you're gonna go with my rules, is that clear?"

For a moment there, everything seemed to be finally going his way. Until the unfortunate event that some of his cigar ashes fell onto the kitten, which had gotten her into a rampage. That was the final straw, and Price grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and started to march towards the mess hall, where some of the men currently were and left her there without a word.

* * *

Despite having a nigh legendary status, Brownie learned the hard way that Captain Price was not to be messed with and could not be influence by her cute, kitten-ly charms, but she was sure that even he was not able to escape her devious little paws. After all, he did burn her with his cigar ashes… So, as the captain was sleeping, she silently crept back into his room and did what she needed to do before curling up on the floor with her tail wrapped around her little body for a nap.

About an hour later, Price woke up to find her obediently sleeping on the floor. "Now that's a good little girl," he told her, stroking her once he saw that she was awake. "Say, aren't you a pretty little lady?"

Brownie just gave him a nonchalant "meow" and went on her way. Luckily, he did not realize that she had tore up his hat into pieces, and it was best that he found that out much later. _Hmmm, whose turn is it to take care of me today?_ She thought and began roaming the submarine, far away from Price's cries of anguish at the knowledge of what had befallen his favorite hat.


	6. Epilogue, or, Brownie's New Humans

Soon, it came the day when Brownie had to say goodbye to the nice men at the Task Force 141's submarine. Shepherd had laid down strict instructions that she was to be left on dry land the moment the submarine was docked again. After happily jumping off the sub, the little kitten turned towards the people that had taken care of her for the past few days, with a piece of brownie in her mouth.

"Bye-bye, Brownie!" Roach waved to her, while the others did more or less the same.

_Heh, finally, a chance to get away from that bunch of idiots,_ Brownie thought. Really, she could not understand why in the world those humans could be so strangely lacking in apparent sanity. They had a captain that was with a female that was named after a dragon (whatever that thing is), and they would not allow anyone else to know that they were always mating when no one else was looking; an old geezer which demands that she sleeps on a floor and the scary human that always wore a mask that featured a skull (was he not afraid that dogs might chase him thinking that he's got bones for them?). And oh yes, the moron that named him could not jump even if his life depended on it (if what the other humans said was true, that is)…

Hence, offering a happy "meow" to them, she quickly went her way, into the big city with a rather leisurely gait that only a happy kitten could create.

"Hey, look what we have here," said a human when she stopped under a tree to eat her brownie. Just as soon as he said that, two other men came along, and just like those crazy humans on the submarine, they carried all sorts of sticks of various lengths. _Hmmm, I wonder what are they for?_ She mused, and decided to continue eating.

"Why, isn't it the most adorable thing you've ever seen?" asked another human male. This specimen was rather strange, as he had different colored eyes. One was green, and the other was blue. How very peculiar indeed. Anyways, it was evident that he would be the leader of the other two and there was something about him that she could never quite put her little paws on… He seemed like the kind of being that would just inflict pain on unsuspecting victims without any notice. Just her kind of human!

Knowing what she had to do, Brownie tipped her head to the side and meowed, causing the men to go "Awww," like those idiots that she had left not too long ago. _Heh heh heh, finally, some worthy company_, she thought, and brushed the leader's ankles with her head and tiny little neck. They were bound to take her home with them, she just knew it.


End file.
